I apparently opened this blog and never wrote anything. So now here I am again, after having left my therapist. My therapist, Maggie, is a pure joy! She suggested I start blogging as a way to put my thoughts down and see how they progress as time passes. So this could get quite enlightening....to me...I don't see it being enlightening to anyone else...but who knows, right?
I guess the heart of this project is my depression. I have no desire anymore to do anything, with anyone, anywhere, for any reason. I sleep constantly, and have no friends anymore. Well, I have one friend, Steve. Two friends, Dana and Steve. They refuse to give up on me. I'm pretty lucky in that way. But the long and the short of it ...is I feel like I'm waiting til I have the guts to kill myself. I figure now isn't the right time for whatever reason, but figure the time will come when I'm ready. I keep hoping it's before my 50th birthday. Don't ask me why, I have no clue.
There is something about being young and depressed and being old"er" and depressed and I just soon get it done and over with before 50 comes knockin. I've been in this mode for so long, that it's just the way it is, and now I know not to talk about it. I'm past that. Been there, done that. Ain't going there again.
Well, I guess this is good enough for entry#1, aye? Whooohooo! Not to bad, pilgrim! Hang on to your hat, folks, cuz next thing ya know there just might be an entry #2!!
Essie out!
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