I'm back like a bad dream. Tonight I look at my Lily Bear and my Star girl and wonder ........can I really do this?I've made them my link to making this a reality or non-reality, a bad thing or an okay...moral thing to do. Justifiable. I know as I say that I'm wrong. At the very least ,they could be ill, or sick. So I re-analyze and say I have to do this alone or wait until Lily is sick because I know that won't be long. OHhhhhh, it's like a neverending circle.
Am I using Star, my cat, as my Hope so as not to do anything to myself? Why is it all I think about then?And why can't I stop? I'm so beyond sad, I'm not sure there is a word for it. I don't want my animals to catch on to my sadness and I'm so afraid they will, if they haven't already.
I wish .....I don't know what I wish.
Essie out!
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